It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its liver damage thursday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
