you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
