Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
