just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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