We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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