Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
