my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
