so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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