I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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