is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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