But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
