Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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