There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
