you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
