i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
