So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
