I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
