This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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