Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
