My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
