There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
