Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
