The maid of honor just puked.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
