you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
