I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
