it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
