i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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