What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
