you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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