i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
