Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
