I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
