you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
