Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
