My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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