just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
