Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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