Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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