I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
