what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
