you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
