does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
