Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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