um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize