I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
