Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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