mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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