shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
