Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
