I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
