The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
