Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
