That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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